Sidelined

One of my biggest worries is that I will die before I ever really make a contribution. I have had jobs and businesses, but never really "connected" in a long term way. Sometimes the work benefits others, but I feel unfulfilled. Or it pleases me, but I fail to successfully enter the marketplace.

I wonder how many introverted people play or sing beautiful music in private, that no one else ever hears. I taught my dog around 20 tricks and she deserves a spotlight, but her master avoids it. And I was once at a memorial service where a collection of lovely, small paintings were stacked on the edge of a table for us to look through, piled like napkins instead of framed and appreciated for the quality they were.

Similarly, many of my introverted friends are intelligent, but unemployed. Instead of being welcomed into decision-making positions and lauded for their thoughtfulness, they worry about their futures, struggle to get interviews, and take positions beneath their abilities. They are looked down upon by people to whom 'success' comes more easily. They are misunderstood, judged, and set aside.

Yes, there are famous introverted people. In every group there are exceptions, but we are generally disdained for our quiet, thoughtful, careful ways.

And worst of all we blame ourselves. Even those who write about traits related to introversion often tell how to 'cope' instead of thrive and celebrate. The gist seems to be "stop apologizing", which is helpful but still short of "start living". And I don't know the answer either, but I guess awareness and acceptance precede action.

The stress takes its toll on my health and my confidence. "Who do you think you are?" sounds off as soon as I square my shoulders. I guess it doesn't matter who we all think we are, for a generation may come and go without knowing the difference we could have made if everyone were appreciated and engaged in suitable roles. The lacklustre performance I have made in talkative, selling jobs will be mirrored in the under performance of extroverted people making quick, confidant, and well-promoted decisions in corporations and churches that should be undertaken with more thought and vision.

While I discover I am not alone in my introversion, I also notice many of us are benched or sidelined, even when the game requires the exact qualities we have.

And, I am disappointed. I am designed to be a servant like everybody else and we deserve not just a chance, but also the respect and excitement about our abilities that others receive. And true, not everyone else receives it either, but at least they are in the game.

Living in the "Later"

One of my personality traits is that I look ahead: I like to plan and look forward to things. In fact, I am happiest looking forward, and seem to forget recent events almost as soon as they happen. I remember them if reminded, but don't spend much time reflecting unless something is wrong that I want to figure out.

It's not that I don't enjoy the present, but the mental activity of planning is like solving a puzzle, or painting a picture. It involves a creativity that I enjoy.

Truth be told, it is often based on past experiences that I imagine future possibilities. But also it is based on scriptures and promises in the Bible of things I may not yet have experienced. One of my favorite books is Ecclesiastes because it contains so much information about what is worth planning for, and what ambitions lead to meaningless results.

^{Ecclesiastes 2:26} To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.