Hope Inn

I was sketching this motel for fun and named it Hope Inn because I've been thinking about that topic lately.

I used to feel optimistic about most things, like job interviews and dating for example.  Sure I felt nervous, but opportunities often seemed to work out. Over time, however, my feelings began to change. The positive outcomes didn't always remain positive.

After several such changes, I began to lose confidence in things working out. Gradually my past mistakes led me to become more cautious, like the person in Proverbs 26:13 NIV who says, “There’s a lion in the road, a fierce lion roaming the streets!” Not literally a lion of course, but various dangers. For example, as mentioned in a prior post, I was troubled watching the news. Though statistically news events may be rare, they show awful things that happen to ordinary people.  I realized my stress was a problem from scriptures like this one: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV). Yet, night and day, anxious thoughts could trouble me and despite much prayer and effort, I was not sure how to change the way I felt.

Then one day after journaling about my concerns, I suddenly began to write line after line and page after page, starting with "I hope..."! Since then, I try to counter fearful, anxious thoughts with what I hope could happen instead. After all, best case scenarios are possible too.

I never imagined "hope" would require such effort and determination though. Anxiety can surface like a bad habit, while forcing my thoughts from imminent fears to "wishful thinking" still feels unnatural. However, with practise it gets easier and I'm starting to discover that many hopes actually come to pass.

These scriptures help assure me that hope is both a sign of growth, and a good choice:

Romans 5:3-5 (NKJV)  3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Proverbs 10:24 (NIV) What the wicked dread will overtake them; what the righteous desire will be granted.

Disaster, With a Chance Of Rain.

One night I watched the news for a few minutes before bed, and felt so troubled afterward I wasn't sure I could sleep! Then I changed channels to check the weather forecast, and saw disasters happening around the world. Even when I avoid the news for awhile, I still hear heart wrenching stories from people around me, which add to my own worries. Yet I know the Lord wants me to love others, so how can I maintain faith and hope in the face of risks, disasters, and tragedies like we hear about each day? And how can I stop worrying when there is so much that can go wrong?

One way I interrupt troubled thoughts is to use this verse:

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8 NIV. 

It helps to choose each word and think about something that fits that description. For example, can I think of something "admirable"?

Also I consider these 2 scriptures, and what they mean to me when read together:

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6 NIV

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 NIV

So I remind myself that God rewards those who earnestly seek him, and works in all things for the good of those who love him. When facing a bad situation, I say to myself "God will bring good out of this." Granted, thinking it does not always make me 'feel' the certainty I would like to! But as I begin to align my thinking with the scriptures I will see examples of it happen, then more faith will grow.

The Perky Impostor

A hollow, plastic squirrel sits at the base of a tree in our yard. It's perky, more realistic than cartoonish, and is located where actual squirrels frequent. Of course, like all manmade replicas of nature, there's a sad, lifeless quality to it. But it also represents a cheerful scene, so consequently it stays (for now).
Like that imitation squirrel, I sometimes feel like an introverted replica of what an extraverted person is supposed to be. Not 'real' enough as myself to measure up, as though the world were an expensive, exclusive store where the salesclerk looked me over, and was not impressed. That fragile outer shell can seem so important. But now, as I grow more aware of what's inside me - the eternal conscious part - I feel less breakable and misfit. What others see is not all there is to consider. I am spiritually alive, and can sense it.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NIV

Rx For A Better Life

Karl Marx once said of religion, "It is the opium of the people. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness. The demand to give up the illusion about its condition is the demand to give up a condition which needs illusions." (in "Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right"). 
This seemed to suggest religion is an empty way to calm the emotions and numb the pain like an opiate would, giving an illusory hope of future well-being, and inward ideas that help overlook actual problems.
Calm feelings, peace amidst trials, and hope may indeed accompany spiritual beliefs, but I question this general view about religion for a few reasons;

• First, not all believers are oppressed or economically distressed. Some current (and historical) believers have prospered and lived comfortably.*
• It's notable that oppressive governments tend to persecute rather than promote Christianity. Clearly, they don't believe it creates compliant, sedated individuals who are easy to control, as the term 'opiate' would imply.
• Inward ideas about religion don't always calm the emotions. Some people put a lot at risk when they venture to become a Christian, and may face added persecution.
• Lastly, the idea overlooks actual changes wisdom can bring about. A few really good decisions can alter one's course in life. People who put wisdom into practice experience actual changes, not just abstract ideas that make them hopeful**.

If there really was a pill that could deliver character as Christianity does, people would line the streets to get it! When Christians show character during tough times, it is not because they are in denial about the suffering. It's because they persevere in their faith in spite of it, and this strengthens their relationship with God.***

* Isaac planted crops in that land and the same year reaped a hundredfold, because the Lord blessed him. 13 The man became rich, and his wealth continued to grow until he became very wealthy. Genesis 26:12-13 NIV 

** Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: Wisdom preserves those who have it. Ecclesiastes 7:12 NIV

*** 3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4 NIV

How The Ice Cube Melted

I used to feel so confused by peoples' behaviour, constantly questioning why people did or didn't do certain things. I really wanted to know, but no one would explain it to me. They would listen, then move on to something else.

Had they told me people often acted as they did because of feelings, I would likely have argued the point. I thought we were rational creatures, guided by the mind and ways we were taught to behave.

Then a mentor entered my life who began to ask me about my own feelings, and listen. I thought it odd that she was unnecessarily concerned about such things. But I really liked this person because she took such an interest in me, and her attention felt great.

Over time she helped me work through problems, taught me to treat myself well, and to pay attention to my own feelings. Suddenly the world made more sense to me: whether in constructive or destructive ways, mindfully or not, people were acting on their desires. So was I, and aware of it now I felt more alive, more self esteem, and more capable of loving others.


"And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of our father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought." - 1 Chronicles 28:9 NIV

Shopping for Souvenirs

I browsed a rack covered with small pins in a souvenir store. Not collector pins, but ones with brash little sayings about marijuana, rock music, and beer -inexpensive bait for the frugal tourist shopper. Among them I noticed one that said "Jesus loves you, but I'm his favourite". Seeing this among the others did bring to mind some interesting questions. Apart from that - and being his favourite - I purchased the pin!
Of course, it's not really accurate, "for God does not show favouritism" (Romans 2:11 NIV). Yet it touches on a lovely idea: each believer being so loved that they all feel like His favourite. To me, the teasing humour also conveys "Jesus loves you" to readers in a disarming way. At least I hope it's disarming, like all humour it could be misinterpreted. But my hope is it will convey this idea, and also bring a smile.

Why Are There So Many Singers?

It seems odd to me that so many people can sing. And many others are able to play music, paint, dance, write, or act - yet there are so few jobs that engage these talents.  I've heard that only 2% of those capable of singing get to work professionally in this field. How puzzling that so many people would be equipped with talents that seemingly are not needed.  
And yet, our spiritual commission is to carry the gospel throughout the world. I can't help but wonder if the pleasure the arts provide was so people would carry and hear the message with great enjoyment.

Mark 16:15 NIV  He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation."

Bug Guts

I plunge my microfibre cloth back into the warm soapy water, then work some more on the bug-splattered bumper and insect body parts wedged in the grill. As I scrub I think of my life, working hard to remove the scraps and bits from past injuries, my support group a sort of graveyard for lost souls like those on the bumper of this car. 
Not that I was completely finished, but parts of my life - my youth, my marriage, my early dreams - were dashed to pieces by the unstoppable force of a family member's drinking. Our capacity to heal is amazing, however. With the parts still intact, I learned to avoid more collisions and to gently comfort those still clinging to difficult relationships.

Psalm 34:18 NIV: The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Socks Disappear, But Mugs Multiply!

Cups used to multiply in my cupboard; ones with company logos, funny sayings, photographs and verses. Some arrived full of candy and wrapped in cellophane, others were earned, adopted, or left by former roommates. As such, they were full of stories and memories - even while empty - and I felt responsible to honor the memories by keeping those cups, even though at times I felt embarrassed by their unmatched informality.
Recently, I decided to have cups that were selected, and realized some of my old cups didn't even represent things I wanted to remember. So, I got rid of a few.
My new mugs are large ones in muted, solid colours: burgundy, blue, beige, grey. They are peaceful, replaceable, and chosen. I still keep a few mementos around, but they're not just what life handed me - they're what I chose to have and keep.

⁵ Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. (Psalm 16:5 NIV)

Sidelined

One of my biggest worries is that I will die before I ever really make a contribution. I have had jobs and businesses, but never really "connected" in a long term way. Sometimes the work benefits others, but I feel unfulfilled. Or it pleases me, but I fail to successfully enter the marketplace.

I wonder how many introverted people play or sing beautiful music in private, that no one else ever hears. I taught my dog around 20 tricks and she deserves a spotlight, but her master avoids it. And I was once at a memorial service where a collection of lovely, small paintings were stacked on the edge of a table for us to look through, piled like napkins instead of framed and appreciated for the quality they were.

Similarly, many of my introverted friends are intelligent, but unemployed. Instead of being welcomed into decision-making positions and lauded for their thoughtfulness, they worry about their futures, struggle to get interviews, and take positions beneath their abilities. They are looked down upon by people to whom 'success' comes more easily. They are misunderstood, judged, and set aside.

Yes, there are famous introverted people. In every group there are exceptions, but we are generally disdained for our quiet, thoughtful, careful ways.

And worst of all we blame ourselves. Even those who write about traits related to introversion often tell how to 'cope' instead of thrive and celebrate. The gist seems to be "stop apologizing", which is helpful but still short of "start living". And I don't know the answer either, but I guess awareness and acceptance precede action.

The stress takes its toll on my health and my confidence. "Who do you think you are?" sounds off as soon as I square my shoulders. I guess it doesn't matter who we all think we are, for a generation may come and go without knowing the difference we could have made if everyone were appreciated and engaged in suitable roles. The lacklustre performance I have made in talkative, selling jobs will be mirrored in the under performance of extroverted people making quick, confidant, and well-promoted decisions in corporations and churches that should be undertaken with more thought and vision.

While I discover I am not alone in my introversion, I also notice many of us are benched or sidelined, even when the game requires the exact qualities we have.

And, I am disappointed. I am designed to be a servant like everybody else and we deserve not just a chance, but also the respect and excitement about our abilities that others receive. And true, not everyone else receives it either, but at least they are in the game.

Living in the "Later"

One of my personality traits is that I look ahead: I like to plan and look forward to things. In fact, I am happiest looking forward, and seem to forget recent events almost as soon as they happen. I remember them if reminded, but don't spend much time reflecting unless something is wrong that I want to figure out.

It's not that I don't enjoy the present, but the mental activity of planning is like solving a puzzle, or painting a picture. It involves a creativity that I enjoy.

Truth be told, it is often based on past experiences that I imagine future possibilities. But also it is based on scriptures and promises in the Bible of things I may not yet have experienced. One of my favorite books is Ecclesiastes because it contains so much information about what is worth planning for, and what ambitions lead to meaningless results.

^{Ecclesiastes 2:26} To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.

I Am By Design

A study showed that people could be identified when they were just 4 months old as extroverts or introverts with a high degree of accuracy. This, and other research done with identical twins, suggests a genetic component to the development of temperament.*
At times, I lied to myself about about my own temperament. I thought people were essentially the same other than size and gender. I liked 'rugged' as a description, wore a leather coat and work boots. I sought active jobs that required little concentration, but I wore out and eventually gave them up. Choosing unsuitable jobs led to limited success! I despised myself and envied others. 
Now, I believe differently. According to Romans 9:20-21 NIV ^{20 "}But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” ²¹ Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" So I must learn to accept myself and choose suitable work. For God is kind to us, “God is mighty, but does not despise men; he is mighty, and firm in his purpose." (Job 36:5).

* from "Quiet", Susan Cain, Crown Publishers, 2012, pg. 99-100, 104-105.

Self Worth Begins

Many people give up on their dreams. They yearn to do what they love, but compromise to "earn a living". But doing what we love can be empty too if it doesn't benefit others, and many know that a job that pays well doesn't necessarily bring satisfaction. We are each designed to make a contribution to society in our own way, a satisfying way that builds self-worth. Just like glasses help us to see, God helps us to clearly envision the unique contributions each of us make.

1 Samuel 26:24 (NIV) "As surely as I valued your life today, so may the Lord value my life and deliver me from all trouble."

Anonymity

Anonymity is a concept used at "anonymous" recovery meetings. Christian anonymity is sometimes viewed as being ashamed of one's faith. Don't be a 'secret soldier' we are admonished! A biblical basis for these concerns may be Matthew 10:32-33 (NIV) "Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven." 
But anonymity is not necessarily disowning who you are or your beliefs, it is putting them forward without connection to one's name. This can be for safety, or to present the message apart from the messenger. At times Jesus himself hid for safety, or instructed people not to tell who He was.*


* At this, they picked up stones to stone him, but Jesus hid himself, slipping away from the temple grounds. (John 8:59 NIV)
* Whenever the evil spirits saw him, they fell down before him and cried out, “You are the Son of God.” But he gave them strict orders not to tell who he was. (Mark 3:11-12)

Warning: Contains the 'S' Word

I think sexual behaviour is just that: behavior. We make decisions about who or what we act with, and whether to begin - and it is often only whether to begin over which we can exercise willpower. Illicit behaviour feels exciting because the anxiety that accompanies it causes adrenaline that in turn boosts pleasure, just like a turbo system boosts the energy in a car. Then ordinary activity is still pleasurable, but it lacks that extra 'something'. Which is sad, because we lose our sensitivity to enjoy life the way it was made to be enjoyed. Sensitivity can be regained of course, but only by abstaining from the illicit behaviour and retraining ourselves, when we are ready, to enjoy things in a proper way.


Ephesians 4:19 (NIV) "Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more."