How The Ice Cube Melted

I used to feel so confused by peoples' behaviour, constantly questioning why people did or didn't do certain things. I really wanted to know, but no one would explain it to me. They would listen, then move on to something else.

Had they told me people often acted as they did because of feelings, I would likely have argued the point. I thought we were rational creatures, guided by the mind and ways we were taught to behave.

Then a mentor entered my life who began to ask me about my own feelings, and listen. I thought it odd that she was unnecessarily concerned about such things. But I really liked this person because she took such an interest in me, and her attention felt great.

Over time she helped me work through problems, taught me to treat myself well, and to pay attention to my own feelings. Suddenly the world made more sense to me: whether in constructive or destructive ways, mindfully or not, people were acting on their desires. So was I, and aware of it now I felt more alive, more self esteem, and more capable of loving others.


"And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of our father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought." - 1 Chronicles 28:9 NIV

Yeeee-OUCH!

Physical pain was something I had to deal with for awhile. Oh, I'd had minor things in the past, but this level was something new. When it happened it was like a hammer struck, or I stubbed a toe - times 10! Sometimes when it suddenly, intensely hurt, I heard a stream of swear words pour out of me as I clutched, crumpled, and waited for it to subside. Realizing it was not going to be a one time thing, I began to wonder if I could learn to respond in a better way. When I think of Jesus' suffering, such as when they drove nails through His hands, in my imagination I never envisioned Him swearing. Crying out in pain, perhaps, but not swearing*. So, although anger seems to rise so quickly when I hurt, I am trying to learn to express the pain without the course language. (And today I am grateful that my body has healed, and I feel better). 

^{*Matthew 27:50 NIV  "}And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit."